Tag: alcohol

burn out!!!

for a couple of months now i have been completely fatigued, i mean realy no energy to do anything; its okay, to wash my windows, clean te kitchen or the toilet; kook some dinner, but otherwise i don’t get anyting done, when i try to organize, or actualy do something, i get verry edgy, i get anxiety-attacks, and even worse than that- it seems i realy have enough to handle right now, in fact: too much!!

i thought it might be a burn out, but my coach says, in my situation (my diagnosis) it is very common to be overstressed and overwhealmed at some point….comes and goes, something you have to deal with, your coach can help you get things done, make plans…

now for quite some time i was on three datingsites- not looking for quick seks or a relationship; just looking for nice (female) contacts, and possible friends; but i can’t seem to find the energy anymore, to open up yet another chat, so unfortunatly i have a paid contract with one of those sites, but in a few weeks i think i will take my loss and delete this, and all my other (dating)- accounts; i did notify my contacts about my situation…

now for years on end, i have been running, to get things done for other people; but this “thing” (burn out?) reminds me to start renewing my energy; not pouring it down hopeless pitts anymore, for one thing! it is time for some ME-time!! i wus no where around on my own charts, i neglected my own stuff, to do things for others; this has to end… i can’t cope with it any longer!! of course i like to help out- but then, just help out, not carrying your cross, AND my own!

nowadays i am rapidly losing friends; i seem to have lost patience for a lot of things… but lately people seem more and more like trains, (though i keep an ongoing effort) and for every bad one that leaves a better one comes in… it is worrying sometimes, and it might even hurt, but it is for the better… i might even like this… (ah well, somtimes somebody doesn’t fit, or doesn’t fit anymore…) it is a struggle, but i am getting to grips with it…

when i think about it, this was al i wanted to say, for now, but i have some more thoughts assembling; i might write a post about, what it was like, and what it did for me to stop drinking (nowadays; two years later, i drink or have drank occasionaly; i would like to learn something about coffee, thea, wine, beer; though i also like a glas of (tap) water, and too much is too much, i don’t want that anymore (seems i am too sensitive for that!!))

i might write a post on how i am doing in my world; advertising myself; advertising others; where i am at with my attempts to create something, that is worth watching, hearing, or reading (seeing) at least to myself…

ah well, quite a post… that’s all for now; hope all is well with you! this is Reepke signing off…

greetings,

love,

peter

(reepke(n) )

one year…

it has been more than one year since i stopped taking in alcoholics (alcoholic beverages) i might have sinned, once or twice; five months ago i drank a couple ( 4-5) of beers, and two months later i had two glasses (“to the brim” ) with Southern comfort (wich was really nice, but also not verry nescessary; i mean, there was no need for it…) otherwise i haven’t had a drop of alcohol, since 29 novermber 2017… and my body is still changing, from not having alcohol; it seems my muscles are realy develloping now (my legs, mostly); it does concern me that nowadays i am gaining weight; i had some energy issues, but now i am slowly growing fat… that wasn’t the plan, ghegheghe…. i have been trying to keep a good balance, but i might need help with that; but then i should be a little more active, with me, it is not what goes in, but what comes out is too little, i have lots of excuses for that, but it is not cool… i need to step it up a little- having said that, it wouldn’t be ok to force it too much, i have come a long way; but… i might need some help…. actually i wasn’t thinking i would be able to do what needs to be done, all by myself, so i am ok with asking a professional…

so, i did it… almost one year completely sober….i think i will continue with my efforts, next year i mean, not drinking alcoholics, try to use even less sugar (compared to what i do now…) and thoug it is hard, and it costs a lot more money, i will try to keep on doing the ecological thing, also eating biological, and keep eating veggy food as much as my body and head allow me too…

for those out there reading my blogs; thanks for being around! hope i haven’t put anybody serious in my spam-folder; if i did, i am sorry, those spammers are getting too clever, sometimes it takes me awhile to figure them out! i do like mail, especialy from people like myself, kindered-spirits i mean, though i might not use the correct word…

ah, well, that’s all for now, thanks for being around! leaving my habbits and getting a grip on myself was quite an effort, but it was worth it!! of course there is no cure for my diagnosis (schitzotypical) but life is getting a lot better lately…

thanks xxx

peter